Dementia Day

I am feeling so lost and helpless on this journey through elder care with my grandmother. It is such a frustrating ride.

She is now in an assisted living facility with my aunt. My aunt had been living with her at home and helping care for her. In June, she fell and cracked her pelvis. Her doctors have not cleared her to be at home with Grandmama for fear of her re-injuring herself. She is 65 with diabetes and uses a walker on good days. I can see where a deeper injury could be very serious fear.

So, they were apart for over a month, during which they both wanted to be together and to go home. Well, now they are at least together. It would seem like this is a better situation but it is not.

My Grandmother insists she doesn't need any help so she should be able to go home. Then the next minute she complains that the AL staff doesn't help enough. Huh?

She calls me every day - begging, pleading then threatening me - to come get her and take her home. Every day it is a struggle. She won't understand. I am unsure if this is because of her always stubborn and slightly hateful personality or if it is her dementia coming out.

We have struggled with the diagnosis of dementia. We (the family) feel that this is a label the doctors gave her to cover themselves and help the state with their case of conservatorship. Some of the behavior they say shows signs of dementia is just the way she is. She has never liked actual medical care. She has never felt doctors orders applied to her.

There are some increasing moments of what is best termed forgetfulness. She seems to get some dates mixed up, some people/events. But she is 86. There's a lot to remember. Some of her other behavior just seems like a more enhanced version of herself. She has always had a meaner streak. She likes to bring people down. She has never had hobbies. She is not one of those cookie baking Grandmas.

It is still hard to listen to her rants. I don't take them personally but they do make me angry. Angry that she has to act this way. Angry that there is truly nothing that can make her feel better. Angry that there is no right answer. Talking to her feels like someone has ripped my spine out and is twisting it like a wet towel. I can't handle this stress!!!