Why does it feel like being a mother is the hardest job in the world? No matter what you do, it's always wrong. Take tonight's happenings for example: All I want is to get the house clean. Not really clean, just the appearance of clean. Darling Princess has pretty much had her way of the house since birth. I am at a point where I need a little order. That plus lots of strangers will be coming our way tomorrow.
I wasn't asking for much. But I got even less. Granted Princess has ADHD and does get easily distracted. So I guess when I say to pick up her bathroom, technically a few things is picking up. Never mind there were still toys and tons of mostly empty bottles around the tub and random caps on the floor.
I just don't know what it takes to make her realize this is not a good thing. It doesn't seem to bother her, this chaos we live in.
It wasn't just the bathroom. There were other instances. I don't know why when I say "Put those toys away" it translates to "Shove those toys in a pile in corner". Or put these things away means pick up one thing and go onto something else.
So, I got angry. Raised my voice a little. Now I feel like crap. She has a big day tomorrow, has to be up early and I made her sad. I know I shouldn't have gotten angry but it's so hard to repeat, repeat, repeat!
Not to mention the double edged sword of guilt. What choice to make - I know she's just a kid and someday she won't want to play or even worse she'll grow up and have no time to play. But at the same time, if I don't expect her to clean up then I'm teaching her to be irresponsible. But some days it really does seem, even at a young age, that by the time all the have tos actually get done, there is no time for the want tos.
So, now I'm rambling. This is really just for my benefit anyway so it doesn't really matter. I just know that sometimes, this person I love more than anything drives me crazy. And this job, that really is the best I ever had, makes me want to give up. It's hard when there are so many questions and no right answers.
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