Open Letter About Date Rape
My daughter was raped last August by a boy she was dating. The repercussions are frustrating to say the least. Since I don't know his mom, I'm hesitant to confront her directly. So instead, I am using this forum to address her, and mothers everywhere.
You don't know me but last fall your son and my daughter dated, for about a week. That one week changed her life forever, and not for the better. Not yet. Maybe one day, because I know she is strong.
One day your son gave her a ride home. Very innocent for a boyfriend. But then they started acting like teenagers, kissing and all. But he wanted more. And he got more. And she has to deal with it.
From her account, I do not believe it was violent or intentionally meant to hurt her. I believe it was a case of a boy pushing his limits but not really listening to hers.
She changed after it happened. She became more withdrawn. She didn't date at all for 6 months, didn't even show an interest in boys. I hoped it was growing up. I didn't know it was because of fear.
She finally told me in March. She doesn't want justice. She's only now ready to start therapy and talk about it. But every day I have to watch her deal with the consequences of actions that weren't her own. And it's not right that your son doesn't have these feelings.
She struggled and distanced herself from one of her very best friends partly because she couldn't handle how he dealt with his abusive situation while she hid hers from the world. She has finally met a great boy who has known from the beginning and loved and accepted her. She is now struggling with him because one time after "making out" it brought back the fear of being pushed beyond your comfort zone. Now she doesn't want him physically near her. She is already having anxiety attacks because school starts in two weeks and she knows she will see him in the hallway acting like nothing happened.
Your son actually bragged about having sex with my daughter. She had to hear it from friends. She's stronger than I am, because I would have lost it then.
So, mothers everywhere, if you have a son or daughter of dating age, talk to them. Tell them their actions have consequences. Teach them to respect each other. Stop the cycle and the stigma. I know people will always have sex. But make sure they understand when is the right time for that. And that in any relationship, the choice is not theirs alone.
